


The name of the game

by Pearlislove



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Baby Names, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 12:19:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11509302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearlislove/pseuds/Pearlislove
Summary: Chapter 1:River and The Doctor discuss possible names for their non-exostant childrenChapter 2:River tells The Doctor what she's named their children.





	The name of the game

**Author's Note:**

> Fluff and Time totts and baby names! Enjoy!

"River?" The Doctor said, almost absentmindedly, flipping through the pages of the book even though he finished it long ago.  
  
"Yes sweetie?" Just as absentminded  as The Doctor had been asking his question, River was in her response. Knowing that her husband was simply bored, she didn’t even bother to look up from her book on Greek mythology, flipping another page and coming upon a legend about a Maiden eating sea monster. She smiled, dragging her fingers over the intricate drawing of the maiden being sacrificed to a monster with four eyes and five rows of teeth overlapping in its mouth.  
  
She always loved the maiden eating monsters.  
  
"If we had a child, what do you think we'd call it?" The Doctor had now abandoned the book in favour of a puzzle cube, carelessly having the book drop from his lap down on the floor as he put up his legs on the armrest of the chair.  
  
River froze. At first, she wasn’t sure she'd heard him correctly. Then, when he didn't correct himself immediately, she slowly came to realise that he had indeed been meaning what he said, and she lowered the book so she could look at him. "I don't know. Why do you ask?" She tried to keep her voice steady, not to betray her obvious concern, but it was hard.  
  
The Doctor shrugged, pausing his incessant fiddling to glance over at her. "I don’t know, just a thought. See, if we had a daughter, I always thought we'd name her Susan or..."  
  
"Why not Amy, or Amelia, like mom? We could even name her Melody, for the irony." River interrupted, smiling. Though she had been shocked at first, as far as a silly game went, it was not half bad. "What do you say?"  
  
In response, The Doctor wrinkled his nose and shook his head. "God no! Why have something as plain and boring as Amy, when there are so many amazing names out there we could try? I mean, Melody is quite alright, but there are so many better names! Like Susan, or Sarah Jane or Josephine or even Barbara.Tegan's not half-bad, either, and I do love the obscurity of Perpugilliam! Sounds almost Gallifreyan." He paused, putting a few colourful bricks in place on his puzzle cube, and River decided to but in.  
  
"Perpugilliam? Really? Why not just settle with calling her something normal, like Victoria, instead?" River knew Victoria was a safe card. The Doctor had a much harder time protesting about a name if he'd traveled with someone sharing it, and she knew he'd know this 19th century girl named Victoria Waterfield once. Besides, Victoria definitely beat Perpugilliam.  
  
The Doctor, on the other hand, pretend as though he had not heard her. "Well, I do suppose if we're going that route we could give her a real time lord name. Like Flavia for example. Or Akityor, it means rose in old high Gallifreyan. Romanadvoratrelundar is a very good name, too."  
  
River highered an eyebrow, trying hard not to laugh. "Really Doctor, I think the last one is a bit too much of a mouthful for me. Even compared to Perpugilliam" She let out a little laughter, unable to hold it back. Most of those names did sound quite ridiculous.  
  
The Doctor huffed, crossing his arms and acting offended. "It's a perfectly sound name! I knew a Time Lady named Romanadvoratrelundar, and let me tell you she was absolutely splendid! Became Gallifrey's very first Lady President and all." His face softened, his arms uncrossing and smile passing over his face. "Besides, we could shorten it to Romana. Or Fred. I always liked the name Fred..."  
  
"For a boy maybe." River quipped. "Though I think a boy should really be named Rory or Brian, like dad and grandad. Maybe John, like you, or possibly Jack." She smiled, thinking of their ever-so charming mutual friend.  
  
The Doctor shook his head, disagreeing with River once more. He was starting to become a little tired of all the stupid suggestions for the name of their imaginary baby. Why couldn't she just chose a decent name? "Certainly not! They're all plain and...and boring! I'd much prefer a boy named Fred or Alister, maybe Vislor. Adric could work too. Those are some real names." He paused, thinking for a second. "Though in the end I suppose Braxiatel is probably the best boy name of them all. What do you think?”

 

As The Doctor asked for her opinion, River could feel her anger over his ridiculous name choice despite somewhat, and she let out a small laughter. “Adric is not too bad, I suppose, but not Vislor. And _certainly_ not Braxiatel. I assume it's from some Time Lord you know? It sounds as preposterous as naming your child Romanadvoratrelundar.” She smirked, challenging him on his Gallifreyan name suggestions.

 

“Preposterous? Ha! It's not preposterous!” Like a whiny child, The Doctor complained as she criticized the beautiful names used on his home planet. “My brother’s own name is Braxiatel. Irving Braxiatel!” The Doctor tossed away his puzzle cube and crossed his arms once more. “He was the mentor of Romanadvoratrelundar in her academy days.”

At this, River couldn't help her laughter. Even The Doctor should be able to tell how utterly stupid some of these names sounded to a human. Even when the majority of the names _were_ human, then ten percent of Gallifreyan and Alien names just threw it all off course. “So  if we have a daughter, her name is Romanadvoratrelundar Perpugilliam Song Pond, and our son is Irving Braxiatel Alister Song Pond!” She squeezed out in between laughing fits, the comment only serving to make her laugh harder.

 

At this, even The Doctor smirked, ever so slowly starting to laugh too - unable to continue denying the absolute stupidity of naming _anyone_ Romanadvoratrelundar Perpugilliam.


End file.
